Madness this week: royals without honour, roadmaps and a lesson in chitchat

The insanity of the week commencing 15 February 2021.

 

Honours are only fitting for honourable people

 

What great news that Harry and Meghan are to be stripped of all their honours and titles. What astonishing arrogance to think that they could have all of the perks, whilst only turning up for duty on the limited occasions they feel like it.

“Service,” their snarky response stated, “is universal.” Indeed, it may well be, but the unique means of service that constitute the life of a working royal are not.

The implication that Harry’s grandparents’ work could be done by anyone off the street is without doubt the most despicable insult Harry and Meghan have made against their own family – and there has been some stiff competition in this ongoing not-so-royal psychodrama!

The palace is unlikely to bite! Their dignified, restrained and generous tone only serves to show Harry and Meghan’s up for what it is, and what they are: trashy, grubby and crude.

Meghan’s great miscalculation was that she assumed that the public would appreciate the need of the monarchy to modernise, and would welcome a touch of second-rate Hollywood celebrity. But what people like about the monarchy is precisely that it is different and that, whilst it evolves, its continuity provides both its charm and enduring relevance. Neither Brits or Americans approve of Meghan’s two fingers to all it represents, or her princely lapdog’s willingness to go along with it.

What this couple would hate, more than anything, is silence. Yet this is exactly what they get from the palace, whose statements never stretch beyond informing us of the business arrangements and extending good wishes to the couple, who announced their second pregnancy this week.

So when Meghan gives her tell-all interview to the appalling Oprah Winfrey, their most stinging retort would be to say nothing at all. You ain’t worth it, Harry and Meghan!

 

Don’t get your hopes up for Johnson’s lockdown roadmap

 

This weekend, Boris Johnson and his inner circle will be casting their eyes over a mysterious dossier of data in a bid to decide which of our freedoms they’ll be gracious enough to give back to us. Rumours abound as to what the ‘roadmap,’ to be announced on Monday, will look like.

If you want my advice, do not expect much. The fundamental dynamics that keep the lockdown going remain firmly fixed in place: a servile public still largely approving; a government still dependent on power-drunk doomsday scientists eager to sustain the panic, and a lack of leadership to sound a more optimistic note or stand up to the likes of the teaching unions, who seem intent on making life as difficult as possible.

AN optimistic note is now needed, if the new slogan of “data, not dates,” means anything. With cases having fallen by two thirds in a month and millions of the most vulnerable now vaccinated in an extraordinarily successful and well-managed programme, there is no justification for the continued inability of people to see loved ones, earn a living, or do the simplest of things like procure a haircut.

Yet I suspect we will hear nothing other than vague promises of a normal summer, and plenty of severe warnings about new variants. You can see how the goalposts keep moving: from flattening the curve, to reducing cases to unspecified levels, now to avoiding future variants.

This is what fear does! When what we know isn’t frightening enough, there is always an unknown to retreat from. Unfortunately, this government and the public are still firmly in the grip of such fear.

 

IT’s not much, but we don’t have to condone Princess Latifa’s torturers

 

How many of us shrugged our shoulders when we saw the footage of the United Arab Emirate’s Princess Latifa, filmed on the bathroom floor of the guarded Dubai villa where she alleges that she is being held in captivity. All very sad, but what can we do?

The truth is, not a lot. But perhaps it’s worth thinking about before you decide to book Dubai for your next holiday. The plight of Latifa, who was drugged and beaten following a daring bid for her freedom 3 years ago, tells you all you need to know about the medieval mentality that governs this sun-drenched, tacky playground of the supposed social media influencers.

No, your purchasing power alone won’t make a difference, nor will it help the princess, but even when feeling a bit better about yourself is the best outcome from being ethical, it still makes being ethical a wiser choice.

 

LGBT policies don’t increase satisfaction at work

 

Heterosexuals and gay men are the most satisfied at work, but bisexuals and lesbians are less so, claims a study. What’s more, it finds that so-called LGBT policies don’t appear to make much of a difference to the satisfaction of LGB people.

Well shock! Not being discriminated against shouldn’t be the mark of a good employer but a minimal expectation. That’s where policies are useful. They are not so good at changing a culture and shifting attitudes. Everyone knows that you can’t judge what a place is like by the policies gathering virtual dust on its intranet.

What’s more, in the name of diversity, many companies make a big deal out of sexual orientation, when their message should be that competence, not the focus of your affections, should be all that matters.

A few years ago I took the Stonewall survey that my employers had signed up to. Among other questions, it asked me if I would feel comfortable discussing my sexuality with all colleagues. I truthfully answered no. I’m sure this response counted against my employer, but it shouldn’t have. I simply didn’t have that kind of relationship with every colleague. Nor am I that much of a narcissist that everyone needs to know this most uninteresting information.

Considering how much we talk about diversity, it’s pretty astonishing that so many continue to place so much hope in the stale, tired solution of writing a better policy!

 

What should you give up for Lent? Telling people what you’re giving up!

 

Lent is a time of sacrifice, fasting and penitential preparation for Easter. The point of sacrifice is that it’s for your own good, not to self-righteously bore your friends with the trials and tribulations of another year knocking off the biscuits!

Jesus had wise words about this: “But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your father who is in secret; and your father who sees in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6: 17-18).

For the record, I’m giving up on giving things up this Lent. This year, it feels indistinguishable from what we’ve been doing throughout the past 11 months.

 

Chit-chat about TV? No thanks!

 

A poll reported in Thursday’s Sun finds that Brits chat for an hour a day, and the most popular subject is TV and film, with pets and kids also among the conversational favourites. A person’s sex life tops the taboo list (61%).

All in all then, it doesn’t bode well for a childless relationships advisor who can tell you a lot more about typical bedroom dilemmas than any non-chilling aspect of Netflix.

In any case, is there an hour’s worth of good TV on? If so, I missed it. I did quite enjoy watching Resident Sleazebag Max Branning getting a much-overdue punch for trying to muscle in on Mick Carter’s beleaguered ‘L,’ and of course who couldn't have been moved by the culmination of Channel 4’s ‘It’s a sin?’ But that’s probably about 5 minutes of banter sorted!

Help, however, may be on the cards for conversational transgressors. The Times reported on Tuesday that BPP University Law School is to launch a first-in-kind module on ‘chitchat and networking.’

Its designer, Georgie Nightingall,, helpfully informs us that “Often asking small questions – what you do, where you live and the like – the person receiving that question assumes it's not asked with genuine interest.”

Well, Georgie, that’s because it usually isn’t. The art of good networking is the art of pretending to give a stuff! Smile politely and waffle on about “opportunities for possible future collaboration” whilst covertly eyeing up the toilet queue for an excuse to get away and let the other person find a new victim. Module done!